WTF is self-connection?
Self-love. Self-awareness. Self-actualization. Self-care. Self-esteem. Self-reflection. Selfish. Selfie. Add a new one to your newly formed ‘self’ vocabulary: self-connection. But what exactly is it and why should you care?
Self-connection is the act of having a real, true, and intimate connection with yourself.
If you’re ready to create and live a life that’s right for you, but don’t know where to start, start here. The TODAY I DID IT RIGHT Exercise One: My Right is designed to help you begin your journey in doing it right and create the foundation of your very own life plan template.
It’s a welcome and well overdue inferno - the concept of self is burning like wildfire across blogs, bookshelves, and the lips of our most trusted girlfriends in the most intimate of conversations. The verdict is in: we’re all thinking about number one more than ever. Or at the very least - we’re trying.
Certainly more than we ever did in our youth, which we’ll consider a W. To be selfish as a child (or at least prior to 2019) was a social death wish. No one wanted to be friends with someone who was labeled selfish. You certainly didn’t get invited to the good sleepovers if you got labeled with the scarlet S.
The misconstrued scarlet S looks something like this:
Being selfish = not caring about other people = no one wants to be your friend = no one wants to be considered selfish = self comes last = everyone else is somehow more important than us = going above and beyond for everyone else = leaving our own wants and needs in the dust = end up exhausted in a fury asking, “who am I anyway?”
Thus, we all willingly joined the selfless gang in a desperate attempt to not be thought of as selfish. Well it’s time to use some flaming ash to burn that misguided gang to the ground.
Just so we’re all on the same page, let’s remind ourselves of the true definition of selfish: lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
Who decided those two things have to be mutually exclusive? Why can’t we exercise consideration for others and be concerned with our own personal profit and pleasure at the same time?
Repeat after me: being selfish is a good thing.
Focusing on your self is a good. Practicing self-love is a good thing. Working towards self-actualization is a good thing. Having high self-esteem is a good thing. Prioritizing your own needs, wants, and desires is the best way to live life. It’s how to do it right.
Once you make the choice to fill up your own cup with all the care, compassion, and love you need - you’ll be able to help others do the same. If you want to build and nurture supportive, meaningful relationships with the people in your world, you have to have a supportive, meaningful relationship with yourself first.
What is Self-Connection?
Self-connection is the act of having a real, true, and intimate connection with yourself. It’s the process of spending time with yourself on a daily basis. It’s about getting to know you, getting to like you, and getting to love you. It’s about embracing and celebrating all the things that make you, you. Self-connection is the relentless pursuit of learning more about oneself.
It’s silencing all of the outside babble on who you should be, how you should act, and what you should want. Self-connection is eliminating the external expectations so you can get down to business and get to your core, your essence, and your essential being. It’s turning the volume waaaay down on all the outside noise.
It’s about being selfish in all of the right ways.
Quite possibly one of the most exciting and terrifying realizations is that no one has lived your life before. As a result, there is no perfect, one-size-fits-all life plan template. So instead of looking to others, searching for models and guides on how to do it right: look to yourself.
As sister Glennon Doyle says, “Stop asking people for advice on places they’ve never been before.” Write that down on a post-it note and stick in on your mirror. We’re serious.
In order to create the best way to live a life - your life - you need to connect with yourself in a regular, deep, and meaningful way. You need to decide and define what a right life will mean, look, and feel like to you. Such an undertaking takes time, effort, and motivation.
Creating a right life won’t happen overnight and it certainly won’t happen by chance. It requires you to put in the work, pay attention, and actively work towards the life you want to live. Such an exercise will require you to be selfish, and selfish is what it’s time to be.
Another thought for you: the world is designed to take you away from yourself.
Everywhere we turn, someone or some company is waiting to tell us what we should be, what we should think, what we should buy, how we should behave, what we should spend our time doing, what we should eat, what we should care about, what we should aspire to, what determines our level of success, and the list goes on. And on. And on. It’s a litany of shoulds. And the list is boring AF because it isn’t created by you, for you. It’s created by them.
If you don’t make the choice, the active choice, to engage in a relentless pursuit of self-connection, the world is going to hand you a prescribed life plan template on a silver plate. Some people may welcome the arrival of a “best way to live a life” package with a big bow on their doorstep. But the problem with this package, is that the same one is delivered to everyone else. If you want more, this isn’t the way you’ll get it. If you want to live a life you’ve created, a life that is right for you and you alone, doing what everyone else is doing - well that’s just not going to work.
Practicing selfishness, and focusing on what’s best for you and your life, is going to require you to turn on your blinders. It’s going to require that you stop comparing yourself to anyone else (for real). You have to stop doing the comparison dance and looking at what everyone else is doing/ thinking/ saying/ eating/ wearing/ feeling.
You have to stop sizing your reality up against anyone else’s. You need to write your own rules and commit to living by them. You need to shape your own thoughts, beliefs, and identity in accordance what you deem as right, instead of appeasing any external forces.
This is what being selfish means from here on out. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about the wellbeing, safety, thoughts, and considerations of others, it just means you care about yours too.
Self-Connection vs. Self-Reflection - what’s the difference?
Self-connection and self-reflection go hand in hand, but there’s a few key differences between the two concepts.
Reflection is defined as serious thought or consideration, where connection is defined as a relationship with a person that is linked with something else. Where reflection requires you to think, connection demands you build a relationship. While it’s difficult to build a meaningful connection without reflection, it is possible to reflect without connecting.
Doing it right, and creating a life that looks and feels right to you, is all about building a relationship with yourself on a daily basis. Self-connection is the act of being present in this relationship each and every day.
Remember that selfishness fire? Someone please pass us the gasoline.
Today is the day you start embracing your selfishness with open arms. There is no scarlet S waiting to be presented. Be tenacious in your individual pursuit of creating the best way to live a life that looks and feels right to you.
The next time someone calls you selfish, when really you’re just making choices that are in your best interest instead of theirs, kindly tell them: thank you for your opinion but I didn’t ask for it.
Tell them you’re on a quest for self-connection and you’re just getting started.
The TODAY I DID IT RIGHT Approach and Self-Connection journal are ready to be part of your life and help you create the life you want to live every day. Learn more about the original Self-Connection Journal and purchase a copy for yourself today.